These few days I was feeling all time low. i dunno why. For the first time i felt that ive been useless all this while, as if theres no meaning to my existence. Im born on this earth just to be a burden to people around me. Maybe it has caught up on me after all these years trying to shrug off the feeling. The past three four days or so i dreaded to the core stepping into the ward. I couldnt let out my fake persona to say hi to patients, asking them how they were like i used to. Heck, I couldnt even force a smile. The thoughts to work in the hospital after this and support my family is gone. Im getting more selfish, thinking more of what i wanna do and excel, which, right now is to lock myself in the room and stone and rot on the bed reading straits times and the new paper. im not focused enought already. The sound of me being a big fat loser in life kept on playing in my head. Its not that its playing tricks. as i looked back theough the times, indeed i am one! Its jus me who let the feelings and history buried underneath the carpet. One by one, im starting to lose grip on the things i love and honour and respect. Oh well, this fucked up feeling may just be temporary. Tommorow ill be better, u can bet on that.
