I represented table tennis and chess in school, but had never won anything major in competions. I got a third place in primary school, but was average when PSLE came out. I got the top malay student award in secondary school but never really succeeded after going to JC. I got a place in University, but it was all the chapalang courses where I had no interest in, which was worse, because studying itself was such a struggle. I thought when I went one step lower by going to poly I thought things would be better, but it was still the same, I was just the normal average student. In short Im just jack of all trades. Ive never done anything exceptionally well in life I guess, thats makes my life bleak. Now that Im working, I feel average, as if im not at the lower part of the group nor at the top along with the superiors. I put in so much effort in work but I guess when it comes to this kind of job, or any other job, working smart is always the best. Maybe I would, but I could not, because its requires certain things that are against my principles. I have loads of friends, but none I could call those who would go thick and thin with me. When we played pool just now and I managed to teach someone to score the last black ball and she did it, she was very happy. I was too, because I felt like Im good at something(which Im not, but just because she has never played it before) and Ive never felt that feeling for so long. A feeling where u are so damn competent about something and others actually look up to for it for guidance and advice. And that has never happened in work, for that matter. Ugh, maybe I just need that pat on the back that Ive actually done something good and that people are actually proud of it. I have to work tomorrow and I hope ill be feeling positive after a good night sleep.